Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Horror Movie Survival Kit - Sponsored by Man Crates!

The fine folks at MAN CRATES who create epic gift packages you need to pry open with a crowbar, asked us to put together a list of what Terrorphoria would stock in a "must have" horror movie survival kit. We said "we love lists, and STUFF!" so without further ado here is our  

"Terrorphoria Slasher Movie Survival Crate"

There’s a few items I wouldn’t be caught dead (literally!) without in a slasher film. To avoid becoming a statistic everyone was talking about in homeroom or around the campfire the next day, here is what I’d bring.

1.     A multi-tool: How many times has someone been trying to escape and the door/window/panel/grate is either locked, jammed, or screwed shut? A multi-tool could really help, plus it comes with a knife to defend yourself or cut any ropes you might get tied up with. Oh, and a toothpick in case something gets caught in your teeth.

2.     Kinectic flashlight:  Flashlights in horror movies must all be bought at the dollar store, because they are CONSTANTLY giving out at the worst possible time. That’s why I’d bring one of those cool flashlights that you power by shaking or turning a crank. That way you don’t need to worry about batteries running out when you’re sneaking through that dark hallway.

3.    Jumper Battery Pack: Just in case that car decides it doesn’t want to start, even though I’ve been driving it around fine all day and just took it for an oil change last week.

4.    Plastic whistle: Everybody’s always trying to scream and get attention for help. One of those plastic emergency whistles could mean the difference between hanging in there, or hanging in there on a MEAT HOOK.

5.    Blow Up Doll: Seriously, bear with me. So at some point, you’re gonna have to go down that dark staircase into the basement. You know the one I mean! A rubber doll makes a great decoy to throw down first. That way when the killer leaps out from under the stairs and you hear a loud POP you know there is trouble. Also, much easier to carry around than a mannequin or crash-test dummy!

6.    Poncho: Seriously, it’s ALWAYS raining in slasher movies. Even in California! A simple fold up poncho would keep you from getting soaked, slipping around, and sneezing from wet clothes to give away your hiding spot!

7.    Disposable camera: Chances are your cell phone is dead because horror movies so you need SOMETHING to snap a pic of the killers true identity. Otherwise, how else can you convince the bumbling local police department that there’s a crazed murderer on the loose?

8.    Tire Iron: A tire iron can be a lot of things to a lot of people. Flat fixer, door jammer, self-defense implement. A good old TI is a must have!

9.    Spray Paint: Is there anything better to blind a murderer AND scrawl a frightening “HELP” message on the inside of a window in the same can? Not for my money.

10.  Zippo: Inevitably, you’re going to be in a stand off, and there might be something explosive nearby. You NEED a reliable lighter that you can potentially throw while saying a one liner like “Hot enough for you?”

Now we want to hear from you guys. What would you pack into your horror movie survival kit? Let us know down in the comments!

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