Thursday, December 5, 2013

Top 10 Tiny Terrors

SPOILER: Munchies didn't make the list

Ever since I was a kid, tiny monsters scared the crap out of me! I don't know why pint sized predators would creep me out more than some giant creature or humanoid maniac, but to this day the thought of evil little creatures makes my skin crawl. With that, I give you my list of the top 10 tiny terrors!

Click the jump to find out why scary things can come in small packages.

10. Ghoulies

Ghoulie's got a gun.

What's important to understand about ghoulies is that they'll "get you in the end". Arguably one of the most recognizable schlock horror box covers from the 1980's, almost everyone remembers the ghoulies coming out of that toilet, and the genius double entendre slogan. The ghoulies came back in a sequel, but they weren't nearly as scary as during their first outing.

9. Mini Ashes (Army of Darkness)


OK, so maybe they aren't the scariest to make the list, but the mini Ashes had to have their say! Of all the wacky, bizarre, and gross creatures Ash faces off against in the Evil Dead trilogy, these guys are some of the most memorable. Plus, there are like 16 different cuts of this scene depending on which version of AoD you watch, so their hi jinks come in many forms.

8. Goblins (Troll 2)

Nilbog! It's Goblin spelled backwards!

 The epic power of the Troll 2 goblins cannot be denied. I know you're saying "Yeah but the troll from Troll was a lot scarier than the trolls from Troll 2 that technically weren't even trolls." Well redundant person, that may be so, but no one cares or remembers anything about that first movie except that Elaine from Seinfeld was in it. Everyone who is anyone loves Troll 2, and these guys came with a way cooler Italian synth soundtrack.

7. Troll (Cat's Eye)


I hated this thing. It scared me so much as a kid, trying to steal everyones breath and kill their parakeets. I swear this movie is why I've always owned cats, and I have an inherent fear of anyone wearing clothing with bells attached to it.

6. Demons (The Gate)

"Demons aren't gonna ring the doorbell!"

Stop motion animation makes everything scarier, and these these weird fleshy little demons were no exception. They gave me nightmares and had me constantly looking over my shoulder anytime I played a heavy metal album backwards. Luckily they taught us all that ancient evil can be stopped with toy rockets.

5. Gremlins

They love Milk Duds.

Now we're headed towards the top of the list, and running into the big names in small and frightening creatures. Before Steven Spielberg ruined their street cred and made Gremlins 2 a light-hearted family comedy, the gremlins were scary as hell! They'd hit you with furniture, break your assisted living chair, or even wreck your movie theater, just because they could!

4. Dwarves (Phantasm)

Gimme a kiss, Reg!

Super-strong dwarf zombies that growl like a pack of angry Rottweilers? Damn you Tall Man! The Phantasm series is one of my all time favorites, but when I was a kid these things horrified me like you wouldn't believe. Surprisingly, watching people be violently mangled by floating metal laser orbs didn't. (Sincere apologies to the death orbs for not putting them on this list.)

3. Critters

Kreepy Krites

 At some point, the gremlins just weren't scary enough and the Krites took over. The critters from Critters straight up murdered people. Remorseless eating machines, made even freakier by their ability to roll into balls and become highly mobile. Critters disturbed me back in the day, and still does. Keep those intergalactic bounty hunters on speed dial.

2. Leprechaun

Back 2 Tha Hood

Warwick Davis! The leprechaun takes the silver medal in our tiny terror Olympics. Starting from humble beginnings of gleefully terrorizing a young Jennifer Aniston, the Lep has had so many amazing adventures. He's slaughtered people in a skyscraper, in outer space, and even in the 'hood. Twice!

1. Chucky (Child's Play)

Friends 'til the end!

Could there be anyone else in the top slot? Chucky is the stuff of nightmares. As a living doll possessed by the soul of a serial killer, he combines many frightening things into one compact package.  In more recent years Chuck has had a lot of comedy thrown into his flicks, but if you go back and watch the original that started it all, you'll understand why I never wanted one of those "My Buddy" dolls all the other kids in school had.

There you have it! A list of miniature monstrosities to keep you checking every nook and hiding spot around the house. Which one is your favorite? Are there any other tiny terrors that haunt your nightmares? Drop me a line in the comments and tell me about them.

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